I w0uld just like everyone t0 ackn0wledge that y0u kn0w y0u're a pr0fessi0nal alc0h0lic when y0u g0 t0 club and at the d00r .. y0ur friends tell y0u t0 "shut up, don't say a word, and act s0ber/straight" .. am I the 0nly 0ne wh0 gets this ALL the time?!

Well, it all started with the Puerto Rican rum .. I sw0re t0 myself I would never do anything PR .. after all the PR baby mama drama, no PR hombres, no PR restaurants, no PR rum, no co'quis if you wanna get technical .. so0o I had a g00d buzz g0ing on when I arrived at Roxy .. I ws surprised there wasn't a lot of people there, it was free before 12 .. I don't care if you d0n't speak English, every0ne understands the term "free" .. anyways I was supp0sed t0 meet up with Lohagat0 aka Sweet Puff, but when she talked to me she couldn't find a babysitter .. and if she did go0o .. I'm sure y0u c0uld recognize me .. I was the 0nly br0ad on the dance fl00r in the middle wearing no pants and fishnets with 900 necklaces, I literally had my underwear exposed .. last time I went there  .. there were these dancers on stage almost wearing the same thing .. so0o I wanted to be sex symbols like them ..  I think Tomas was alil upset with my booty shorts .. since my azz was exposed and I d0n't exactly have a buh-dunk-a-dunk .. I decided to take a shirt and some face cloths and stuff them in there .. and tried to mold a lumpy big azz outta it .. but everyone kept telling me I looked like a  burnt (I really needa stop g0ing tanning, I have s0 much aloe sm00thered all over my chest and azz)Paulina Rubio (she's a Spanish singer for all y0u white people, and yes I am white) so you kn0w that b00sted my eg0 cause she's way h0tter than Shakira. Too make a long st0ry sh0rt, I was in the middle of the dance fl00r all nite l0ng .. doing some Latin dances that I seen on "Dancing with the stars", drunk off my azz, I lost one earring, 20 dollars, and my dignity when my heel snapped and I fell down in a splits p0sition but I g0t right back up like tr00per, and nearly my shameful azz right back to VIP .. whatcha kn0w ab0ut me? So, I take a seat at the l0unge to massage my aches and pains, and s0me tree-stump l00king guy has the nerve to come cl0se and put his dirty cr0tch in my face and starts talking t0 me in Spanish .. so I replied in Italian that I don't speak Spanish 0r English, so I guess he was 0utta 0pti0ns and t00k the hint .. so then we went t0 d0 my all-time fav0rite thing .. EAT .. and s0me guy j0ined us f0r c0mpany and he g0t made when I asked his zodiac sign and told him he wasn't compatible with my friend who he was trying to hit on .. and then he even more upset when I told him that his sign (Taurus) are the m0st b0ring .. he was b0ring .. I was n0t intrigued with anything he said .. m0stly because my ears were blocked from the speakers and I could only half hear his ghetto Spanish dialect. But anyways I'm g0nna cut it sh0rt right n0w because my f00t's thr0bbing again and I needa sedate myself at w0rk.