So, it's been a while or maybe like 5 or 6 m0nths .. but I'm still living and harassing people.
Good news! My mom said I can participate in the Special Olympics tomorrow. Yessss! I gotta practice my long jump. Naaaa lol .. I recently moved from one hick town to a ghetto and trashy hick t0wn .. it's a real nice place .. I hear people screaming and swearing more than I do .. actually makes me feel normal. I'm so excited right now because I'm going to NY this weekend for the Dominican festival since I'm Dominican by injection and every other cultural group as a matter of fact .. but figured I'd show some pride because God bless the men from that country. I'm looking forward to getting mugged or something since my cousin's b/f says I have that "stupid white girl look" whatever that's supposed to mean. I'm equally retarded to him. Anyways moving along, I told my grandmother this week I wanna quit school and educate my body by prostituting .. she wasn't too happy .. so then I recommended midget stripping since I'm short and she bitchslapped me .. so viscious .. next time I'll keep my career goals to myself. Well I hope all is well and I haven't forget anyone. That reminds me .. Brian signs his life away .. I mean gets married today .. best wishes and congrats to him. I'm so glad some us can find true love easily instead of having numerous meaningless sexual acts to satisfy them!
Saturday, December 15, 2007, 12:27 PM EST [General]
I w0uld just like everyone t0 ackn0wledge that y0u kn0w y0u're a pr0fessi0nal alc0h0lic when y0u g0 t0 club and at the d00r .. y0ur friends tell y0u t0 "shut up, don't say a word, and act s0ber/straight" .. am I the 0nly 0ne wh0 gets this ALL the time?!
Well, it all started with the Puerto Rican rum .. I sw0re t0 myself I would never do anything PR .. after all the PR baby mama drama, no PR hombres, no PR restaurants, no PR rum, no co'quis if you wanna get technical .. so0o I had a g00d buzz g0ing on when I arrived at Roxy .. I ws surprised there wasn't a lot of people there, it was free before 12 .. I don't care if you d0n't speak English, every0ne understands the term "free" .. anyways I was supp0sed t0 meet up with Lohagat0 aka Sweet Puff, but when she talked to me she couldn't find a babysitter .. and if she did go0o .. I'm sure y0u c0uld recognize me .. I was the 0nly br0ad on the dance fl00r in the middle wearing no pants and fishnets with 900 necklaces, I literally had my underwear exposed .. last time I went there .. there were these dancers on stage almost wearing the same thing .. so0o I wanted to be sex symbols like them .. I think Tomas was alil upset with my booty shorts .. since my azz was exposed and I d0n't exactly have a buh-dunk-a-dunk .. I decided to take a shirt and some face cloths and stuff them in there .. and tried to mold a lumpy big azz outta it .. but everyone kept telling me I looked like a burnt (I really needa stop g0ing tanning, I have s0 much aloe sm00thered all over my chest and azz)Paulina Rubio (she's a Spanish singer for all y0u white people, and yes I am white) so you kn0w that b00sted my eg0 cause she's way h0tter than Shakira. Too make a long st0ry sh0rt, I was in the middle of the dance fl00r all nite l0ng .. doing some Latin dances that I seen on "Dancing with the stars", drunk off my azz, I lost one earring, 20 dollars, and my dignity when my heel snapped and I fell down in a splits p0sition but I g0t right back up like tr00per, and nearly my shameful azz right back to VIP .. whatcha kn0w ab0ut me? So, I take a seat at the l0unge to massage my aches and pains, and s0me tree-stump l00king guy has the nerve to come cl0se and put his dirty cr0tch in my face and starts talking t0 me in Spanish .. so I replied in Italian that I don't speak Spanish 0r English, so I guess he was 0utta 0pti0ns and t00k the hint .. so then we went t0 d0 my all-time fav0rite thing .. EAT .. and s0me guy j0ined us f0r c0mpany and he g0t made when I asked his zodiac sign and told him he wasn't compatible with my friend who he was trying to hit on .. and then he even more upset when I told him that his sign (Taurus) are the m0st b0ring .. he was b0ring .. I was n0t intrigued with anything he said .. m0stly because my ears were blocked from the speakers and I could only half hear his ghetto Spanish dialect. But anyways I'm g0nna cut it sh0rt right n0w because my f00t's thr0bbing again and I needa sedate myself at w0rk.
it was my girl's 21st birthday, so we decided to go to Roxy (Latin night as well) in Boston. We had VIP, y0u kn0w h0w I do .. the benefits 0f having DJs and radio personalities as sex partners .. ha jk. Anyways, we all g0t sexy ( I was wearing a hair weave with some spandex .. o0o yeah I looked like Shakira, Tyra Banks, and Richard Simmons .. but I only answer to people when they call me "Loca", "Coomad", or "Shakira"). So, it was 1 white girl (me), 4 Dominicans, and 1 half Dominican and Indian. Now, when I get intoxicated at the club, my friends like to sell me off to the sexiest guys in the club, and when I mean sexiest, I mean there's something wr0ng, abnormal, disformed, gender-confused about them. So, of c0urse they make me dance with this Indian dude, he smelled so bad like curry and onions, and he wasn't holding onto my hips as we were dancing, he was holding onto my belly fat. I'm thinking inside my head, my hips d0n't lie or m0ve, like my stomach, wtf are you doing?! So I tried pulling away from him but that lil skinny thing would not lemme go, I hadda get my half Indian girl on him. Then I went back to the bar to relieve some aggravation to I had this pitbull wanna-be whispering drunken secrets in my ear, n0ne of them made sense. So of course, we were dehydrated and hungry from dancing like rock stars that we went to chau chow city and g0t s0me china f00d. Low and behold, my Indian dancing partner was seated diagnolly of me and was giving me the ugliest look. Then I started my drunk dialing, and that's another story.
Um, so the journey begin on Thursday nite .. I went t0 Jumpin' Joes (Latin Night) y0u kn0w h0w I love my mira miras. Well, it was pretty gay until I saw my 7th grade hist0ry teacher there .. he was wearing black pants, gray pants, and th0se black and white tuxedo sh0es .. he straight up looking like a mix between a squirrel, shrimp and a penguin .. I don't kn0w what's up with me and seafood this week. Now this the same teacher that wipes his boogars all over his face and hands and made my classmate cry and pee his pants because he wouldn't let him go to the bathroom .. this old chipmunk thing had the decency to say hi to me, shake my hand ( which I didn't wanna do because I didn't want his nasal infectious germs) and offered to buy me a drink. I didn't accept the drink because I would of felt obligated to converse with him longer. So then a bunch of thugs well a group of Puerto Ricans came in and sat the table next to me and ordered a $200 bottle of Henny. I never seen so many white b*tches flee to a table so fast, it looked like a flock of white doves (or cows in some cases) in stilletos. I told my friend they were drug dealers, and what you do know after I had my 2nd redbull and grey goose .. I connected to my h00d side and said to one of the chicos .. I was like I seen y0u driving a h00ptie, I kn0w y0u b*tches are drug dealers and the w0rst part was they knew my ex drug dealing b/f wh0 they used t0 w0rk f0r. So as I was getting drunk I decided to go dance with a bunch of Liberians since they were breaking real g00d and I was attracted t0 their tribal moves .. yeah so I tried to immitate them .. and I was dancing so hard and fierce that I couldn't breathe and I actually had an asthma attack .. not fun.
